There's a couple of songs running through my mind. Ya know the Beatles tune "She's Leaving Home"? ...Wednesday Morning at 9 'oclock as the day begins...silently closing the bedroom door, leaving the note that she'd hope would say more...She's leaving home...bye-bye.
Also, earlier, the song "Leaving on a Jet Plane" ...All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go, I's standing here outside the door...
The actual 'taking of Ben to the dorm' was not hard. The weeks leading up to it and the coming home, was. I didn't cry. He gave me a kiss on the cheek goodbye (at Dad's prompting), I got to make his bed and helped move the boxes of stuff into the room. I got to meet his roomate. Everything was good. No tears.
It's when I got home and found his headphones that he was looking for, that is hard. I need to send them to him. Of course, I wanted to call right away and tell him I found them.
It's going into his empty room, that's hard.
It's looking at what he decided not to take with him, that's hard.
It's seeing his door 'open', that is hard.
I miss him so much already.
UCSC is a beautiful place. It will almost be like camping while going to school. It is in the middle of a redwood forest. There are huge trees everywhere. You cannot see the whole campus or any large part of it at once because of the trees and hills. I took some video of walking into his dorm. It shows artwork painted on the stairwells that really reflect the aclectic culture of the campus. It has a 'kick-back' camping-type of atmosphere.
His roomate is from Ventura and is a Biology major. His name is John. There was supposed to be 3 in the room, but one guy bugged out. So, it might just be the 2 of them which is great because the room is small.
Ben will have a bunch of meetings and orientations for 'Crown College - Gauss House' this weekend and his first class is on Thursday. His next 'holiday' will be Thanksgiving. The next free day he will have is 2 weeks beginning December 21st. The Resident Assistant (RA) Teji, is right across the hall.
The drive home wasn't so bad. We stopped in Gilroy, the garlic capitol, and bought some garlic! The drive gave me a chance to reconnect with Greg. We have been 'Mom and Dad' so much, that rarely do we enjoy being a 'husband and wife'.
I am looking forward to being home and being with my little girl. I still got ONE home, although she is a busy-busy person. The colorguard this year maybe going to OHIO and that will mean an extra $945 in fund-raising. Fund-raising isn't so bad, but here's my gentle rant: Why doesn't all the money I fund-raise go towards my daughter's bill? For example, we sold these discount cards for $20 each. $13 goes to the band and the other 6 to the company that makes them. Each kid was required to sell 2. After the first 2 card, $10 goes towards my kid and $3 to the band and $6 to the company. Like, I would rather just give my kid $20 towards her account, right?
I dunno.
Speaking of fund-raising, one is that I am allowed to 'go to work' at Qualcomm stadium selling food or beer and that money will go towards my daughter's band account. I did my first 'job' last weekend. I showed up at 1pm and worked until 10:30pm for about $50. Everyone that does this has to attend the 'Food Handlers' meetings to be certified to work with food. There are regular employees at the events too. At the last Qualcomm event, there was this employee guy that was working the 'grill'. He had this big long nastly looking beard. I mean it was curly hair sticking right out from his chin at least 2 inches long.
Did he wear a 'beard net'? NOOOOOO! Did I want to say something about it? YEEEEEEEES.
Did I? No. It just goes to show that Qualcomm cares little about who serves the food. I will probably not eat at the stadium ever again. I see how much care goes into the proper preparation and storage of the food. I guess I am really greatful that Qualcomm allows us to come in as volunteer to raise money, but several 'managers' came through our area and only said that everything was 'great'!
I know this is getting long but I haven't blogged in a while. The whole beard thing brings me to another thought. When do you draw the line between 'ANGST' and 'PASSION'? If I was bitchee about the beard guy, I could have said something to someone. What would have happened? They probably would have done nothing. I have run into many situations lately where my core values are challenged and I have stuffed them down for fear of being called 'cranky', or 'anxious', a 'worrier' etc. I don't know how to deal with that. I guess I am just getting old. I had a funny feeling about the president's speech to all the kids. I felt chastised for questioning the format the president chose to encourage our kids with. (Not necesarily the message itself.)
Was that 'angst' or 'passion'?
I pray about it and ask for wisdom - and mostly try to turn my thoughts to others. But here's my angsty question: am I only building apathy in my heart when I do that?
Darrell Murray once said to Greg when we first started dating: 'she's a diamond in the rough'. I have always remembered that. I think about it today and try to figure out whether or not I am still 'in the rough'.
Me thinks, yes.
I don't think I will ever be the beautifully faceted, brilliant stone, that he thinks I should turn into. What makes me shine? It certainly is not a clean house, perfectly couffed hair and nails, nor fashionable clothing. That's just not my bag. It never will be.
What is important to me is to be loving, thoughtful, forgiving, humble and organized. Okay, the last one there doesn't really align with the others, but it is really important to me. I try not clutter up my fridge, my garage, my car, etc...it doesn't mean I am organized or totaly clean, but it is something that am constantly reaching for; it ranks high on my list of priorities.
Lastly, I was so blessed to hear my boy sing at church. He has done well. I pray that his guardian angel, (I call her Ariel) helps him get to Mass on Sundays. There is a beautiful mission church in Santa Cruz...Holy Cross.
May you all find your brilliance in everything you do and shine like the diamonds you are!
